Four Victims of April Fool's

Because of personal matters, my childhood friend Paul has been absent from his summer-make-up class for days already. He has become extremely worried that he might flunk the subject because of his absences and if so, he will not graduate. One morning, a few hours before attending his 2 pm class, he contacted Tom and asked him if their professor has already torn his class card. Tom told him that their professor was disappointed with him and he needed to join their group of “failing students”. They will present a special science project to get additional grades and increase their chances of graduating. Paul said that he will to join the group and will do anything to graduate. Tom told him that the group is already running out of funds and asked Paul to purchase for the group a 5-gallon mineral water (see image) as this will be used in their project.

Paul purchased one immediately. He usually rides his motorbike on his way to school but this time, he had to take a few jeepney rides. He could not tie the water container to his bike and had to carry it under the heat of the summer sun.

He arrived at their classroom sweaty and disheveled because of the summer heat, commuting, and of course, the 5-gallon burden. He felt that there’s something’s fishy because his classmates were mischievously smiling at him. When some of his classmates began to chuckle, Tom approached him and excitedly greeted him, “Happy April Fool’s, pare…!” Then the class burst into laughter and applauded…

He was able to graduate by the way…


One of my female friends sent a text message to his male friend and was able to initiate a “text conversation”. The conversation started with the usual “uy, musta – eto okay lang – kaw, ano balita”. After a few more exchange of messages, the guy became puzzled as to why she was having that chat with him. So he asked her why.

She said that she’s bored, in heat and asked if he could help her. Without waiting for a reply, she sent another message which said: “I’m alone right now, text me na lang pag nasa labas ka na.”

In less than 30 minutes, the guy was already in front of their house. As he alighted from his car, he texted her: “Andito na ko sa labas.” She replied: “Happy April Fool’s!”

Ayun…hindi na sila nag usap simula nun.


A few years ago, I decided to observe April Fool’s day by doing a prank on my friends at the office. It was around 9 pm when I called the office in Makati from my house in Quezon City. Damen was the one who answered my call. I asked him who among our barkada were around. He mentioned the names of the people who were there and asked me why I was interested. I said, “Pre, libre ko kayo dinner…wag mo muna pauwiin sila. Tanung mo kung sino pwede sumama then tawagan mo ulit ako dito.”

At around 10:30, the phone rang and it was Damen –

Damen: “Pre, hindi na pwede yung iba, umuwi na kaya lima lang kami. Saan ba tayo?”

Me: (Chuckling) “Happy April Fool’s! Uwi na kayo, hindi ako mag papakain.”

Damen: “Ulol. April Fool’s ka jan. Andito kami sa labas ng bahay mo.”

Me: (Laughing) “Nice one, ‘wag kana bumawi.”

(Doorbell rings several times)

Damen: “Ako yung nag d-doorbell.”


I wasn’t able to buy the shoes I have been yearning for that month…and since then, I never attempted to do the same prank again.

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More April Fool's Day stories here!

First Time in History

I am a fanatic of inter-country sports competition and as much as possible, I watch such events especially if the Philippines is a participant. Please do correct me if I’m wrong but I think, what I encountered last Sunday, March 16 was a first - a first in Philippine Sports History…Philippine Boxing History to be exact. I haven’t read about anything like it or witnessed something similar before.

If a match is to be decided by relying on the scorecards, and there is doubt as to whether or not the Filipino boxer had connected enough punches to win the match or the boxers seemingly had an “equal performance” to label the duel as “a match that could go either way”, victory will most likely tilt to the adversary.

But what happened last Sunday in the rematch between Manny Pacquiao and Juan Manuel Marquez was different. To the joy of multitude of Filipinos (including me, of course), the judges surprisingly gave it to the Filipino boxer who noticeably had a sub-par performance. The people inside the cinema shouted in jubilance and threw their fists in the air to strike a “victory pose” when Michael Buffer uttered the words: “and the neeeew...” (excluding me this time…but I clapped in my seat…and I was like, “Swerte, tayo naman naka-nakaw ngayon. First time.”)

Congrats pero, isa pang laban please...

Manny Pacquiao deviated from his usual aggressive style and seemed too cautious in the said match. The result, instead of connecting punches, he was receiving a lot of Marquez’s jabs. The flurry of punches that we have seen before was non-existent. His most effective technique which is the sidestep-to-connect-a-hook move was seen only once. We also didn’t see his developed right hook which seemed deadly on paper. It was a good thing that Marquez was floored in the third round. If it didn’t happen, the result would not have been the same.

That knockdown, for me, was not the factor that spelled the difference but rather the “excuse” why to give it to the Filipino hero. Marquez was floored three times in their previous duel but the match ended in a draw and he retained his title. Why give it to Pacquiao today when his performance was more cogent in their last match? Or perhaps this is the very instance why they gave it to Manny - there was a mistake before so they rectified it. Pardon me for apparently not having confidence in my kababayan but definitely, it was an unconvincing victory.

Right after the fight, I thought that there was going to be a 3rd match between the two, but to my disappointment, it will never happen in the near future. There will be most likely a Pacquiao-Diaz match under the 135-lb class and not a Pacquiao-Marquez 3rd bout. The latter match will most likely to happen if Marquez is already old and way past his prime.

Mga ayoko kapag manonood ng sine

Since I posed as a pseudo-movie critic in my two previous posts (My Lolo Benok did what!? and The Last Man on Earth), I might as well share some of my movie experiences…the bad ones.

One of the things I really love to do is to watch movies and, as much as possible, I don’t want to be disturbed while doing so. I really get irritated when I get disrupted because I don’t want my enjoyment to be brought to a stop.

Here are the top 10 things that make my movie watching experience bad:

10) Nakaka-iritang seatmate – Alam mo yung mga taong kinaiinisan mo na wala naman ginagawa sa `yo? (Don’t despise me for this attitude...lahat tayo meron nito, aminin man natin o hinde. Naiinis ka kay Horatio `diba? Wala naman siya ginagawa sa `yo...) Meron rin sa sinehan nito, so naiirita ako habang nanonood…i-dominate ko nga arm rest..!

9) Pagkain na malakas ang amoy or tunog – Pwede naman kumain, eh. Wag lang sana yung amoy na amoy at rinig na rinig yung crunch. Nakaka gulo talaga ng panonood - katulad ng mga Porky’s Best yan na ang ingay pag kinakain....at yung mga snacks na amoy na amoy mo yung dip, pati pizza na ren! Pag bukas ng box, amoy pizza na paligid. Tolerable pa naman...usually, nauubos naman nung matatakaw yung food nila sa gitna ng movie, kaya wala na amoy halfway.

8) Harang sa screen – Sino ba naman ang hindi magugulo at maiinis kapag naharangan ng view habang nanonood? Sana naman maging considerate...mag-washroom na muna bago pumasok sa sinehan para sa gitna ng movie wala ng tatayo. And in case naman sa free seating, pumasok sana on time para hindi paharang-harang sa screen habang nag hahanap ng mauupuan.

7) Phone Message Tone at Backlight – Kahit anong interes at concentration mo sa pinapanood mo, basta tumunog ang celfone ng katabi mo or malapit sa `yo, magugulo ka pa rin. Kung hindi nga tumunog, pero bubuksan niya para mag check kung sino yung walang load na nag “pamiscol”, magugulo ka pa rin dahil masisilaw ka sa lakas ng backlight ng fone niya. Palibhasa, ayaw pakinggan request ni Sonny, eh...

6) Sipa sa seat – Shempre, `pag manonood ka, gusto mo comfortable ka sa upuan mo. Eto yung hindi ko pinapalagpas sa movie house. Kapag may napapasipa o nakadikit na tuhod sa likuran ng upuan ko, sinasabihan ko yung tao na nasa likod ko. Maski “magaan” pa yung pagka-patong niya, ramdam mo pa rin, eh...

5) Batang maingay – Pwede ba, kapag seryoso ang sine iwan nalang ang anak niyong maingay sa yaya niya sa bahay? Or kung walang yaya, eh di mag dvd na lang kayo sa bahay para hindi kayo maka gulo sa ibang manonood sa sine. Buti kung family movie tulad ng Shrek. Okay lang yun. Pero kung tipong palabas ay may nag uusap na importante, tapos may biglang batang salita ng salita o kaya iiyak ng malakas sa paligid, `di ba nakaka-bwiset?

4) Malakas mag-kwentuhan - Siguro naman na experience mo na ito. Magkakaroon ng discussion sa likuran mo. Tapos, mas grabe kapag grupo pa sila. Kung na iinip sila sa sine kasi boring, labas na lang sila sana...o kaya, pwede naman sila mag bulungan na lang. Nakaka-distract kasi eh. Kadalasan, ginagawa nila ito sa magandang parte ng palabas. Kasama na rin dito yung mga nakikipag-usap sa celfone nila.

3) Tatawa ng pilit at malakas para ipaalam sa iba na gets nila ang punchline – Eto yung mga viewers na pinapaalam sa lahat na may sense of humor sila. Hindi naman nila kailangan pilitin tumawa o palakasin ang tawa para lang malaman ng iba na hindi sila slow. Isang beses, nanonood ako ng Road Trip. Shempre, ang daming nakaka tawang scenes dun. So yung maingay na tao sa likod, todo tawang pilit. Tapos, may punchline tungkol sa KKK, hindi siya tumawa...nagparinig nga ako ng: “O ano? Hindi mo nakuha yung punchline, noh?” Pagkatapos nun, hindi na sha “tumawa”. (Dapat talaga minsan pumapatol ka sa mga nakakainis para tumigil yung pang inis nila.)

2) Mga ma-comment na tao – Eto yung mga taong “naka-buntot” sa palabas. Bawat ngyayari sa palabas, parang nag-nanarrate sila. Parang field reporter. Minsan pa nga nauuna sila eh. For example, may scene na namatay na yung character, mag ccomment sila ng: “Ay...namatay na sha...” O kaya pag may character na nag tatago sa madilim na lugar kasi may nag hahabol sa kanya: “Mamamatay yan...” Okay lang sana mag comment sa sarili...wag na parinig sa iba.

1) Yung sine mismo walang kwenta – So...ready ka na mag relax at mag enjoy relax sa panonood ng sine. Nung isang araw mo pa ito na plano...pag dating ng ganitong araw, papanorin mo itong sine na may mabibigat na artista. Tapos, pag katapos mo ito mapanood...maiinis ka kasi nag sayang ka ng panahon at pera para maka panood ng walang kwentang sine. Ilang beses na ngyari sa akin to...pinaka fresh sa memory ko ay yung 1408 starring John Cusack and Samuel L. Jackson. Shempre, ma-eexcite ako nun. Si Cusack nakilala ko sha sa True Colors at nagustuhan ko yung Runaway Jury niya. Si Jackson naman, kung saan saan-saan mo nakikitang palabas...gitna pa lang ng palabas, alam ko ng walang kwenta eh.

Sa lahat ng movie houses ngyayari mga yan. Mapa lugar ng A, B, or C crowd (Mga D wala ng pera yan `di ba? Hindi sila nkaka nood ng sine. So hindi sila kasali. Ano? Discrimination nanaman?)

The Last Man on Earth

It was only my second time to see New York devoid of human beings. The first time I saw it in such condition was in the 1997 thriller Devil’s Advocate when Kevin Lomax (Keanu Reeves) went out of the mental institution to look for John Milton (Al Pacino) and it was stunning. And recently, in the sci-fi horror I am Legend. This time, I was enthralled because Robert Neville (Will Smith), probably the only survivor in what was left of said place because of a killer virus, roamed it along with Sam (his pet dog) as if it was his private property.

He traveled everyday with a different high-end vehicle using free gasoline. There were no traffic enforcers to give him a ticket for over speeding or driving recklessly along the wrong lane, and also no police officers to apprehend him for shooting a semi-automatic weapon in the middle of the city. There were also no animal rights groups that will hound him for shooting down deer and he could fish anytime he wanted without any competition in a controlled environment.

But these privileges are not without a drawback even if he was apparently the last man on earth. It wasn’t loneliness as he was accompanied by his loyal and well-trained German shepherd who refuses to obey his commands and he didn’t mind talking to his set-up mannequin friends in the video store he frequented.

Everyday, for years already, Dr. Robert Neville had to experiment to find a cure for a deadly airborne virus which mutated humans and animals into violent, vampiric creatures. This virus was the imperfection of the cure for cancer that caused the deaths of many.

The first two-thirds of the movie were about his daily routine, survival against the dreaded mutants and his relationship with Sam. It was an hour filled with excitement and scenes that will make you squirm. From time to time, there were flashbacks of what had happened before his forced solitude. It can be learned from those flashbacks that his wife and kid were killed during the evacuation of Manhattan when an out-of-control helicopter slammed against theirs. This was moments after Sam was handed to Neville by his kid when she was still a pup as they tearfully bid their good-byes. That was the third saddest part of the movie.

The second saddest part of the movie was when Sam got infected by the virus. She got bitten by mutated dogs when she defended a limping Neville from being devoured. After the mutated mutts were shot and killed by Neville, he took Sam to his lab. He injected a dose of his formula and hugged her on the floor while waiting for a possible miracle of his cure. He sang to her assuring Sam that everything was going to be fine. But it was too late as the signs of viral infection began to show. When Sam already became violent, a tearful Robert Neville broke Sam’s neck, killing her instantly and deprived her of more screen time.

The saddest part was the remaining one-third of the movie. It was awful. After Will Smith superbly carried the movie most of the way, there was a distasteful sudden introduction of Anna and a young boy. I bet they didn’t have trouble memorizing their lines unlike Will, aside from the script, had to memorize lines verbatim from Shrek.

In the end, Neville’s experiment was proven to work. His mutant subject in his lab became tame, had its blood pressure and breathing patterns back to normal and seemed to improve in physical features - it became less zombie-like. Neville extracted blood from the “cured” mutant and handed the vial that contained the same to Anna. Neville sacrificed himself to save Anna and the boy from a horde of bloodthirsty mutants by using a grenade. Anna and the boy brought the blood sample to a “survivors’ camp” in Vermont where they presumably lived happily ever after.

The purpose of movie endings is to leave a lasting impression to the viewers. There is no doubt that the Fresh Prince had another remarkable performance here. But because of the ugly ending, the upbeat and intense start of the movie was put into waste.

7 and a half Bob Marleys out of 10.

My Lolo Benok did what!?

What would you do, or how would you react if you will learn that your reputable, dead great-great grand Lolo Benok is being asserted with “biased proof” as one of the conspirators who staged the rigged trial for one of our country’s greatest heroes, Andres Bonifacio, which ultimately lead to the latter’s execution?

You might practically do nothing about it. And presumably, you would just express words of indifference such as “Ahh, ganun ba…” or “Eh anu naman ngayon?” And, if you’re a knucklehead who glorifies any person who had done any wrongdoing, you might probably say “Ang cool pala ni lolo.”

But, if you’re Benjamin Gates - treasure hunter, cryptologist and great-great grandson of an American Civil War Hero, you’re going to do everything just to clear you great-great grandfather’s name and wipe the smudge off of your esteemed family name.

I felt that Walt Disney’s National Treasure: Book of Secrets dragged at the start because the principal motivating factor, which made Benjamin “Ben” Gates (Nicolas Cage) to globetrot, was not stirring enough to get my enthusiasm. The adventure starts with a plot to clear the accusation that Thomas Gates, who is the great-great grandfather of Ben Gates, was a conspirator behind the Abraham Lincoln assassination. So what if he was itching to clear his great-great grandfather’s name?

As the movie progressed, I realized that the punch lines were better, and the clue-gathering sequence was much more interesting and thrilling in the first National Treasure movie back in 2004. Even though Book of Secrets was already spiced-up with relationship conflicts and a relatively mild car chase that was aroused by mean antagonist Mitch Wilkinson (Ed Harris), I still felt that the sequel didn’t have the same vigor the 2004 movie had. It got a little exhilarating in the middle but, if you happen to be an 80’s kid, you might feel you’re watching a new version of Indiana Jones in the Mount Rushmore “secret cave” scene.

Overall, National Treasure: Book of Secrets is worth watching. It’s fun, entertaining and educational (I think.). Just don’t expect realism.

6 Confederate Flags out of 10.

Disrupting my Academic Itinerary - Unexpected Part II

Almost everything has changed since my 7th birthday more than two decades ago. My sleeping and eating patterns now vary…my everyday schedule also varies and I now use hair gel. The characters “involved” in that occasion have either evolved into a useful citizen by contributing wealth to the Philippines, left their motherland for greener pastures, or improved their lives by successfully climbing the ladder of success. Some are dying and some are already dead. But two persons remained the same: Mang Bhoy who still drives a school bus for a living and the celebrant…still a student (Punyeta. Pagod na ako.)

As a student, although a little unrestrained nowadays, I still have a routine. (Unrestrained in a sense that no one forces me to do it or tells me how to do it.) As can be deduced from in my recent post, I hate following a detailed course of action. But, I have no choice but to stick to it because if I don’t, I will go nowhere. It is a “set method” to achieve my desired goal.

Unlike 20-plus years ago, I have several sets of routine to follow and they are relatively “diverse”. Even if they are so, the same are characterized with a common element that is, to read until the 4-hour battery life of my brain runs out. (Actually, it’s 20 minutes of mind enriching reading and 3 hours and 40 minutes of frivolous, but entrancing daydreaming.)

Because of the fact that I am still somehow confined in a box, I decided not to throw a party for my birthday, as it would disrupt my “academic itinerary”. And besides, it’s my preliminaries…so my girlfriend and I agreed (“…so I convinced my girlfriend” is actually the more appropriate phrase to use.) to celebrate by just having a simple dinner somewhere on the eve my birthday. It’s sort of a “countdown”, like waiting for the New Year to come.

At around 8 pm last December 13, my girlfriend, who just got off of work, and I, after studying for my Special Proceedings at the supposed-to-be-serene Starbucks below her office, left the place to go the restaurant she said she had reserved for us. When we arrived at the place where she directed me to drive, I instantaneously realized that it wasn’t a restaurant but a hotel. A newly erected one. (The hotel, the hotel.)

Upon parking, we saw a former officemate of ours walking side by side with his girlfriend and they waved at us coolly. Please do take in mind that we were in a hotel parking lot and they, as a couple waved at us just like that. That wasn’t right. Normally, sweethearts, if found together in a place where fornication usually occurs, would avoid eye contact with acquaintances in shame. There was definitely something going on…

As I opened the door of our hotel room, my heart raced as I saw a potpourri of people whom I have known for quite some time greeted me with smiles and high-fives. On one corner, were my cousins who also did the same, and near the kitchen area was Suanne, a girl whom I have seen only in pictures before, was arranging the food warmers and drinks for my surprise birthday party. It was a first in so many years and honestly, I was quite moved. All I did for the first few minutes was to whisper my expression of gratitude to my girlfriend and hug her for the surprise party she organized for me.

More people came in as time went by. I was really impressed how Tina managed to contact my Law School peeps, High School barkada, Ragnarok Online guild mates, and my former officemates from Sykes. With regard to my cousins and Suan, they’re already close with Tina so, it wasn’t much of a mystery.

After the traditional birthday song for the celebrant and before dinner formally started, I was asked to deliver an impromptu speech. I wasn’t able to voice-out a good one because I was too overwhelmed.

It was like a deja vu of what had happened years ago. I wasn’t able to eat right away because of how I felt. I also went around to speak with the guests. There was also a new version of Mang Bhoy but we just laughed at his “degrading” tall tales about me. And, the most important thing that was supposed to be previously experienced was how I felt. I was happy, but the bliss I have felt was beyond of what I experienced so many years ago. I was really elated.

For this, I would like to thank the following people...

Ryan: Thanks sa pizzas nung paubos na food kasi lagpas sa expected ang dumating...

Matel: Thanks sa pag-tulong mo kay Mami Tina mo sa pag contact sa Midgard peeps...

Eug: Pre, salamat rin sa pag-tulong kay Tina sa pag contact ng Sykes peeps...

Miking: Sa pag take and post ng pictures and food warmers...thanks 'insan...

Miko: Sa pag assist kay Tina sa errands and food warmers din...thanks 'insan...

Suan: Sa pag-tulong kay Tina, pag sama sa pag bili ng beer, sa pag arrange ng mini-buffet table

Tina: For everything...eto ang best birthday ko...I didn't deserve this pero binigay mo pa rin sa akin...mwuha! I love you...

...and to the people who celebrated with me...

Maraming salamat sa inyo!

Unexpected

Years ago, I had no choice but to rigidly adhere to an agonizing routine. I was very young and my options were too limited thus powerless to fend off the fact that I had to wake up at 4:30 in the morning during weekdays.

As soon as I wake up, I mutter for a few minutes before I stand up to gargle. I complained everyday because I had to wake up that early. Then, while squinting due to the light emitted from the fluorescent lamp, I eat my bland-tasting breakfast. Then I brush my teeth to eliminate the awful taste of what I have eaten. Then I take a bath…this is the time that my eyes will be fully opened. Then, I wipe myself dry and wear my uniform. Afterwards, I comb my hair…no applying of hair gel because I didn’t have one. (I asked my father to buy me one but since he’s very thrifty, he just told me that I could use his Tancho pomade instead - Wag na lang. Ambaho kaya non.) Then I await my school bus’s arrival at around 5:15. I was the first passenger to be picked-up and the last one to be brought home because my house was the farthest from school.

This is one of the many reasons why I hate my grade school life. It was such a very unpleasant experience for me…

Okay, to continue…

Then at school…the same boring stuff. Everyday. I attend classes from 8:00 am till 3:30 pm. Then at 4:00 pm, my school bus leaves school to bring us students to our respective homes. This is the only fun part of my day – the ride home. Aside from the fact that I’m already home bound, my bus mates and I did the craziest and barbaric things just to have fun. I arrive at home at around 5:00 pm…do my homework, have dinner and go to sleep at 7:30 pm.

So that’s about it. That went for about three years…until one day, when I alighted my school bus, our maid approached my school bus driver. I was puzzled why would our maid talk with my bus driver. I thought that there was a problem. I didn’t bother to ask and just went inside our house. As I entered our house, I was surprised to see that there were balloons, lots of food and smiling relatives who greeted me a happy birthday. It was a surprise birthday party for me. Oh…so that’s why our maid approached Mang Bhoy, my bus driver. He was being asked to attend my party.

Hindi ko na kilala yung buhat ng yaya and yung dalawang naka talikod sa left.

I was too excited to eat. All I did was to go around and speak with my guests. I went from one seat to another. Sequentially, I arrived at the portion of our living room where my bus driver was enjoying his meal while being entertained by my aunts. When one of my aunts saw me, she then asked my driver in jest: “Siguro makulit si Barley sa school bus niyo, ano?” Her voice was audible enough to catch the attention of the guests near us. Seemingly interested, they went near us to hear about what my driver had to say…

“Ayan? Kasama ng mga barkada niya sa bus ang gugulo…” At this point, I was hoping that Mang Bhoy wouldn’t go into details. He then continued: “ Nag babatuhan sila ng mga pagkain…gamit nila mga baon nila, nang-aasar sa mga tao sa labas…kadalasan pa nga, binabato nila ng kung ano ano. Nandudura pa mga yan…”

AW, COME ON. Birthday ko!

As a seven-year old kid, I have been humiliated many times especially at school by my teachers. My parents also never hesitated to abash me in front of my relatives if I have done something wrong. But what I felt that day was very different – I have never been embarrassed that way before. My head was bent down and I couldn’t look into the eyes of my relatives. There was silence within our small group for a moment and then I heard the voice of my mom – “Bhoy…mukhang hinihintay ka na ng pamilya mo…dalhin mo na itong barbeque sa kanila, salamat sa pag punta.”

Pinaalis na yung walang modo kong bisita. Pinahiya ba naman ako sa birthday ko…*sniff

Papahiyain mo ba ang batang ito? Ang bait tignan, eh (A pose beside my cartolina banner before sleeping - wala pang tarpaulin noon.)

Overall, it was an unforgettable and enjoyable experience. It was unforgettable because of what that ingrate did…and enjoyable because I was able to spend my birthday with my cousins and other relatives from both sides.

Thank you Mommy and Daddy.